Toilet Talk Newsletter

Toilet Talk Newsletter: Be Healthy, BU



Spring 2017 Toilet Talk

By Courtney Alstadt, UCC GA and Randi Scheiner, PhD and UCC Psychologist


Side 1

Grief and Loss 

Grief occurs when a person experiences loss or change in some aspect of their lives. When someone close to us dies, we experience grief. Grief can be complicated and lead to conflicting feelings. An example of this is that you may realize you can no longer see or talk to the person who has died, but at the same time, you may feel relied that your loved one's suffering is over. It's important to remember that relief and pain are totally normal feelings in response to death. 

Each relationship is unique therefore how a person goes through the grief process is also unique. 

However, there are some commonalities between people as they process their grief. Some things you can expect are a reduction in concentration, Which can make it difficult to study for an exam or finish your homework. Some people experience a sense of numbness at some point in time following a death of a loved one. Another common symptom people experience is a disruption in their sleep patterns. Some people might over sleep where others are unable to get a good night's sleep. Many people also have a change in their eating habits. If you experience this there are nutritionists on campus to help you get back on track. One more common symptom people may experience is a roller coaster of emotional energy. For example, there may be times when you feel you can't get out of bed while other times you want to go out and have a good time with friends. All of these experiences are normal. It's important to remember that we all experience grief differently. 


How to heal:

  • Talk about the loss: connect with people who are also going through the loss. Discuss memories you've shared with that person, both positive and negative
  • Set time aside to process the grief a common response to grief is to avoid it. However your grief will surface eventually and it may not happen at the best time. Give yourself time to talk with family or friends about the person you lost or give yourself time to think about the person.
  • Wear some kind of token or jewelry to remind you of that person: maybe a necklace they gave you or a tie that person used to wear. This can be helpful on significant dates, such as birthdays.
  • Do an activity to honor that person: cook their favorite meal or do an activity that you used to do together.
  • Remember, it's okay to move on: sometimes we feel guilty about doing the things we need to or want to do, but it is OKAY to do your work, take your exams and live your life. 

What to say as a first response

What not to say as a first response

  • I'm sorry to hear about your loss.
  • I'm sorry to hear about what happened.
  • I felt for you when I hear about your loss
  • I'm sorry
  • I understand what you are feeling. 

What to say in conversation

What not to say in conversation

  • Can you tell me a little more about what this has been like for you?
  • If you want to talk more about it and how you are feeling, let me know.
  • What kind of memories do you have about the person who died?
  • What sort of things have you been thinking about since your loved one has died?
  • I understand how you feel. Or I know what you are going through.
  • You must be so angry or sad.
  • This is hard but it's important to remember the good things in life.
  • At least she/he is no longer in pain.

Side 2

Self Care: What it is and How it helps

Self care is defined as the action one takes to maintain optimal physical and mental health. Self care can be something as simple as brushing one's teeth, taking a shower or attending a medical appointment. It can be more complex, such as going out to dinner with friends, eating three meals a day, planning time to take a bath and listen to music. Self care is doing something to help reground yourself and make yourself feel good.

Self care is important because it helps you build resiliency. If you practice self care on a regular basis you will be more equipped to handle whatever life throws at you. Two very important aspects of self care to remember are to eat healthy by following the five characteristics seen below and to exercise on a daily basis. Eating healthy can help you concentrate to get better grades and help improve your mood. It's also good to remember that exercising 10 minutes a day can be enough to qualify as self care.


Physical Self Care

  • Eat regularly
  • Exercise
  • Get enough sleep 
  • Wear clothes you like
  • Get regular medical care
  • Go for a walk in the nature preserve
  • Drink water throughout the day

Psychological Self Care

  • Make time for self reflection
  • Write in a journal
  • Say no to extra responsibilities
  • Avoid thinking in all or nothing terms
  • Trust that a little bit can go a long way
  • Remember to make it your own

Emotional Self Care

  • Spend time with others whose company you enjoy
  • Stay in contact with important people in your life
  • Love yourself
  • Reread a favorite book

Spiritual Self Care

  • Spend some time in nature
  • Be open to inspiration
  • Be open to not knowing
  • Meditate
  • Pray
  • Sing

Professional Self Care

  • Take a break during the day
  • Take time to chat with Co-workers
  • Identify projects that are exciting to you
  • Set limits


  • Plan time between friends and family and work
  • Plan time for yourself to be alone
  • Plan a balanced meal



Five Characteristics of Healthy Eating

  1. Eat balanced meals- make sure to eat something from all of the food groups
  2. Time distribution- eat every three to five hours
  3. Variety- eat 5 colors of veggies and fruits a day
  4. Moderation- there are no "bad foods" in moderation
  5. Unprocessed- eat as close to natural as possible

Self care & Safe Drinking

  1. Know your limits & plan ahead
  2. Eat food before & while you drink
  3. Remember to drink water while drinking and after
  4. Appoint a designated driver
  5. Beware of unfamiliar drinks
  6. Space your drinks
  7. Drink for quality vs. quantity
  8. Sip your drink (slow down) 
  9. Accept a drink when you really want one
  10. Respect the rights of individuals who do not wish to drink

The Benefits of Exercising

  1. Exercise boost energy -exercise deliveries oxygen and nutrients to your body which helps you have more energy to complete tasks.
  2. Exercise improves mood - physical activity stimulates various brain chemicals that leave you feeling happier and more relaxed.
  3. Exercise promotes better sleep - regular exercise has been proven to help people fall asleep faster and deepen sleep.
  4. Exercise can be fun - physical activity can help you connect with friends and family by participating in intramurals, going for a walk with a friend and taking a dance class.
  5. Exercise reduces stress - exercise increases concentrations of norepinephrine, a chemical that can moderate the brain's response to stress.
  6. Improves self- confidence -physical fitness can boost self-esteem and improve positive self-image.
  7. Alleviates anxiety -regular exercise has been shown to decrease tension, and stabilize mood.

Fall 2016 Toilet Talk

       By Laura Wysochi, UCC GA and Randi Scheiner, PhD and UCC Psychologist                        


Side 1

Eating Disorders Across Cultures

This article is based on talks by Dr. Norman Kim and Dr. Nikki Rollo at Eating Awareness Committee Events in February 2016.

To many, the face of an eating disorder is that of a thin, middle class, adolescent European-American girl. However, a growing body of research indicates that eating disorders may be equally prevalent across different racial and ethnic populations. Such research prompts us to reconsider the stereotypes we may be unknowingly perpetuating. 

Since research has historically focused on a very specific population developing eating disorders, therapist and the doctors may be uninformed about how ED can present differently in individuals from different backgrounds. For example, drive for thinness which is often associated with development of eating disorders may not be experienced by women that come from cultures that do not place as much value on being thin (Talleyrand, 2012). However, such women may still be at risk for developing eating disorders as ED are impacted not only by cultural standards of beauty, but also by anxiety level and genetic predisposition, among other factors. Individuals from different backgrounds may also experience certain vulnerabilities because of their cultural identities. 

Research has indicated that there are concerns specific to women of color, for example, that may prompt them to developing disordered eating and eating disorders (Harris & Kuba, 1997). In our society, strict European American standards of beauty can be detrimental to all women, but may be particularly harmful to women of color whose appearance may not be at all reflected in this ideal. Furthermore, women of color may maintain different conceptions of ideal body size that do not align with westernized notions of beauty. Therefore, members of this populations have to navigate these different ideals, potentially leading them to experience significant distress and poor self-image. Fortunately, there are some steps all of us can take to promote health for ourselves and those around us.

1. Respect your own body and body diversity in general. You can do this by speaking positively about yourself, your appearance,and the people around you!

2. Be compassionate with yourself and others.

3. Aim to be flexible about food and eating. Remember that there are no good or bad foods. There is space for everything in a healthy diet!

4. Find joy in physical activity.

5. Challenge unrealistic cultural assumptions about beauty and health.

6. Be mindful that a lower weight is not necessarily correlated with being healthy.

7. Value lived experience over appearance. 


The different between dieting and having an eating disorder is really the difference between wanting to look and wanting to be better.

Have you ever been on a diet and...

Spent more time thinking about it than anything else?

Loved it?

Loved it more than friends, family, school, work, hobbies, art, etc?

That is what it is like to have an eating disorder. 

Dr. Norman Kim



Side 2

Putting the Pieces Back Together: Healing From a Breakup

During the days and weeks after a tough breakup, it can be difficult to navigate the range of emotions and thoughts you're experiencing. While breakups are never easy, there are some things you can do to help yourself heal and move forward. 

Reconsider Your Expectations

Most of us have the hope that our relationships will last. The truth is that most of us experience the end of a relationship at one point or another. 

After the end of a relationship, if can be helpful to keep in mind that relationships, and breakups, serve as facilitators for our personal growth. We learn a lot from them and we do move on. Understanding this may not make the situation any less painful, but it can help you better understand what you gained from the relationship. 

Catastrophic Thinking, and How It Prevents Us From Letting Go

Oftentimes after a breakup, we find ourselves ruminating over the situation. We wonder what we could have done differently, or how we could have been a better partner. To some extent this type of thinking is normal and may even be helpful in making sense of the breakup. However, catastrophic thinking, or worse case scenario thinking, can inhibit our ability to properly grieve and heal from a breakup.

Catastrophic thinking occurs when we ruminate about the worst possible scenarios. Some common examples of catastrophic thinking that occur soon after a breakup can include thoughts such as: 

I'm not good enough.

It's all my fault.

I'll never meet anyone who likes me again.

I will never feel this way about anyone else.

Although it can be difficult to pull yourself out of catastrophic thinking, it is possible! One way to do this is to check in with yourself and ask the following questions:

What is the evidence for and against this thought/belief?

If a close friend or loved one were experiencing a breakup, would you really believe the catastrophic thought about their situation?

After some time has passes, it may also be helpful to try and look at things objectively. After a breakup, it's easy to look at the good things about your former relationship that you miss. However, every relationship has problems and being aware of the problems in your previous relationship can help you make sense of it and help you to move on. 

Making Sense of Self Doubt

The end of a relationship can be a huge blow to your self esteem. You may find yourself thinking often about mistakes you made, times you hurt your former partner, or things you could have doe better. This is a natural part of a breakup, and it may be helpful to think about what you can learn from this relationship to be a better partner in the future.

However, dwelling on perceived failures and short comings can be a slippery slope, especially when you're going through a difficult time. In every relationship, people make mistakes that cause them to feel guilty. There are also times when something we do might upset or irritate a partner, but that does not mean that these habits or traits are inherently bad. As you move forward from your breakup. attempt to sort out what you could have done better while discerning what parts of your personality may have simply not been a good match for your former partner's. 

Write It Out

Many people find that it is easier for them to express their feelings in writing. Think of a journal as a safe place where you can get all of your feelings out. Journaling provides the opportunity to observe your feelings and thoughts in a concrete way. Journaling can also be an outlet for confronting catastrophic thoughts. 

Renew Your Friendships

When we are going through a hard time, that is when we need our friends the most! Though it is natural to want to isolate yourself when you're feeling down, reaching out to others can provide you with some of the support you need. It can also be immensely healing to be there for others-by focusing on your friendships and being there for your friends in return, you are help yourself heal.

Spend Quality Time Alone

Often our relationships, romantic and otherwise, serve as a protection against feelings of loneliness and isolation. After a breakup, the adjustment to spending more time alone can be difficult. However, as you move through your healing process and start to come to terms with the loss you've experiences, it can become quite empowering to spend time on your own. You can utilize this time to figure out more about yourself and to explore hobbies and interests that bring you joy.

Be Realistic!

It is important that you be realistic in your expectations after a breakup. A relationship that has been part of your life for months or years will take time to heal from. Be patient with yourself, and don't rush the healing process!




Spring 2016 Toilet Talk

By Laura Wysocki, UCC GA and Randi Scheiner, PhD and UCC Psychologist 


Side 1

How to Help a Friend with an Eating Disorder

Learn about eating disorders. If you are worried that a friend may be struggling with an eating disorder, the first step is to educate yourself about the causes and symptoms.

What are the signs of eating disorders?

  • Eating alone or refusing to eat with others
  • Skipping meals
  • Eating a limited quantity of food, fasting, or avoiding specific foods
  • Constant talk about being fat, overly concerned about appearance
  • Rapid weight loss or weight gain
  • Over-exercise
  • Extreme guilt about eating
  • Isolating from friends for a long time after eating
  • Feeling out of control when eating/bingeing

Express your concerns in a non-judgmental way. When you do speak to your friend, it’s important to express yourself in a caring way. You should be firm and honest about what you see and what your concerns are, but don’t patronize them or criticize them.

Be prepared for defensiveness. Your friend may get very angry with you. Since the eating disorder may be an important coping mechanism, he/she may feel threatened that you are trying to take it away.

Know your limits and notify someone. It is helpful to take an active role in getting your friend help and information, such as medical care, counseling, nutritional counseling, and  in some cases, parental involvement.

Be patient. Once your friend is in treatment, don’t force him/her to talk about his or her eating disorder, emotional issues or treatment. Do offer to listen, however, if he or she wants to talk.

It is important to remember that the  habits surrounding eating disorders become firmly ingrained over time. For this reason, eating disorders cannot “go away” over the night. On the contrary, someone often has to go to counseling for some time before results become visible.

Be a good role model. Practice sensible eating, exercise, and self-acceptance in order to provide a healthy example for your loved one.

Remember that you cannot force someone to seek help, but you can be supportive, understanding, and informed about eating disorders and available resources.

Hints for Healthy Eating 

One of the best ways to help a friend with disordered eating, is to set a good example by taking care of yourself. Understanding  these basic nutritional guidelines can help get you started on the right path.

Eat every three to five hours. Eating throughout the day  ensures that you feel full enough to carry out things you need to do, and also prevents you from bingeing on unhealthy, processed foods because you’re starving..

Eat the appropriate number of calories. For women, this means consuming  approximately 2000 calories a day. Men should consume approximately 2600 calories a day.  Check out for more information.

There are no bad foods! While some foods should certainly be eating in moderation, there are no bad foods. Restricting your diet and trying to avoid certain foods (or food groups) can lead to bingeing, or other disordered eating habits.

Eat balanced meals. At each meal, have vegetables, a protein, and a starch. 



Side 2

How to Be Your Own Mentor 

Many of us struggle with self criticism. How often are we more compassionate to others than we are to ourselves?  We might think that we’re more motivated and successful when we’re hard on ourselves, but research has shown that the opposite is actually true; students tend to be less productive, or even give up when they are too hard on themselves and their expectations are too high. They are more successful when they are more encouraging.

Think back to your favorite teacher or coach growing up. How did this person motivate you? Was it through making rigid unrealistic demands? Probably not. Many of us feel most motivated by those who believe in us, and encourage us to keep trying.

In general, we learn more and perform better when  we have a “growth” mindset—we acknowledge we have a learning  curve, but we believe in ourselves and our ability to improve over time.

If you tend to be your own worst critic, there are steps you can take to develop more positive self talk.

1. Become more aware of your thought patterns

Start to become mindful of your own thoughts and the messages you tell yourself. Notice patterns in your self talk. Are you encouraging or are you critical?

In order to start to be more mindful, it can be helpful to think back to recent times in which you have experienced a lot of stress or anxiety.  Usually, such feelings are prompted by events. However, it is how we interpret these events that ultimately leads to our emotional reactions. Try to look back at previous times of stress in order to assess your self talk in difficult situations.

2. Label your inner critic

Once you start paying more attention to the negative messages your critic is telling you, you will likely to begin to notice a theme.  Here are common pitfalls (with examples) that people tend to experience:

  • All or nothing thinking: I have too much work to do, so I won’t even start.
  • Catastrophic Thinking: If I get a poor grade I won’t ever get a job.
  • Emotional Reasoning: I feel like I’m not intelligent, so I can’t be very smart.
  • Shoulds and Musts: I should be able to maintain a 4.0.  

3. Think of alternate thoughts

When you realize you are  being overly critical of yourself, try to reframe your negative thoughts.

Think of examples of positive self talk by asking yourself some of the following questions

  • What would my good teacher/coach/parent/friend/therapist say?
  • Would I talk to my friends this way?
  • Is this thought 100 percent true?

It is especially helpful to develop realistic expectations of one’s self. Some examples of more positive self talk can include:

  • I won’t be able to finish all my work if I start now, but I will be able to accomplish something.
  • One grade does not determine what kind of student I am, and it will not impact my future.
  • I feel like I’m not very intelligent right now,  but there have been times when I felt differently.
  • This one experience does not mean I’m not smart.
  • I would like to maintain a 4.0, but I might not be able to. Regardless, I will do the best I can.

4. Practice, practice, practice

Changing thoughts and behavior takes time! Be patient and continue practicing. It may feel unusual at first, but the more aware you are of how you think, and practice thinking more realistically, the more motivated you will be.

This article was written by Laura Wysocki and Randi Scheiner, PhD and was adapted from a presentation done by UCC Psychologist Kate Shinko at an Eating  Awareness Committee event in Fall 2015. For more information about upcoming EAC events, please see our website at:


Fall 2015 Toilet Talk

By Laura Wysocki, UCC GA amd Randi Scheiner, PhD and UCC Psychologist 


Side 1

Understanding Sexual Assault on College Campuses

Many students may not receive education about sexual assault before beginning their college careers. In order to gain a better understanding of sexual assault on college campuses, we interviewed interns from the 20:1 Sexual Assault Prevention Program, 20:1 Bystander Intervention Program, and Interpersonal Violence Prevention Program.
What is consent?
New York State law defines consent as "a knowing, voluntary, and mutual decision among all participants to engage in sexual activity."
Matt Wiener: Consent is not the absence of a 'no,' but the presence of a 'yes.'
Emma Roseval: Before this internship, I didn't realize that even if you're in a relationship, you need consent every time.
What role do you think alcohol plays in sexual assault on college campuses?
It is important to note that if someone is incapacitated (by alcohol, drugs, etc), then they cannot give consent. A person that sexually assaults someone who is incapacitated is solely responsible for the assault. Signs of incapacitation include slurring words and staggering. Whether you are engaging in a sexual act with a boyfriend or girlfriend or just engaging in a casual hookup, it is important to be mindful of signs of incapacitation.
Melinda Momplaisir: I think alcohol is used as an excuse to blame victims instead of giving the perpetrator the responsibility. A lot of victims will blame themselves if they were drunk and then they won't report it.
About half of sexual assaults involve alcohol. Research on male perpetrators has indicated that alcohol itself does not cause one to become sexually aggressive, but may exacerbate preexisting feelings of sexual aggression (Abbey, 2015).

What do you think most college students fail to realize about sexual assault?
Melinda Momplaisir: Many people view sexual assault as something that's done by the person in the shadows. A lot of people don't realize that sexual assault isn't just intercourse, but can be anything from a kiss to an unwanted touch.
Acts of sexual assault are not necessarily violent. Coercion is common in cases of sexual assault. Coercion occurs when a perpetrator places pressure on , or threatens, their partner. Coercion can be physical or verbal. It can be as blatant as physical restraint or take more subtle forms that try to exploit the nature of a relationship, i.e. "If you love me, you'll have sex with me."
What's the most important thing you've learned through your internship?
Jean Krebs: When you experience sexual assault, often times the trauma isn't isolated to that event. It can cross over to your school life and your social life. Even if you feel like you're over it, you should still seek out help to process what happened.
For more information on these internships and other programs, go online:



Side 2

Creating Healthy Habits

In researcher Charles Duhigg's book The Power of Habit, the author explains the importance of habits, how habits are formed, and how we can change our habits or create new ones in order to live healthier, more productive lives.
The Purpose of Habits
From a neurological perspective, habits emerge because the brain is constantly trying to save energy. The basal ganglia – the area of the brain responsible for storing habits – commits many habits, some of which we aren't even conscious of. This allows the rest of our brain to be available for other, more novel tasks that require energy. In our lives, habits help us complete daily tasks with more efficiency. Habits, if used correctly, can also help us work toward and achieve goals.

How Our Habits are Formed

Habits are formed through an ongoing loop: First, there is a cue that tells your brain to carry out an activity that has become automatic. Then, there is a physical, mental, or emotional routine. Finally, there is a reward which helps your brain decide if this behavior is worth committing to memory in the form of a habit. Habits never completely disappear; they're encoded into the structure of our brain. This is why we don't have to relearn how to drive after going on vacation!An example of a habit all of us have (hopefully) formed is brushing our teeth. Each morning, we automatically place toothpaste on our toothbrush and go through the process of cleaning our teeth. As a reward, we get the refreshing feeling we've come to associate with this habit.

How to Create New Habits
On a physiological level, habits are created to satisfy a neurological need or craving. New habits are created by creating a cue, routine, and reward, and cultivating a craving that drives the loop. For example, many people begin exercising because of a whim - more free time, need for stress reduction, etc. They continue exercising because working out produces a reward they start to crave, such as increased energy, physical strength, or positive mood.
How to Change Old Habits
In order to change our old habits, we must determine the cues that prompt the routine behavior we are trying to change. For example, you might want to stop snacking while you study. First, you need to understand what's causing you to snack to begin with. Are you seeking to satisfy hunger? Or do you want a break from studying? If you determine that you snack for a quick break (meaning that you are not actually hungry, just overworked)then it is easier to replace that routine with another behavior that produces the same reward, such as taking a short walk around the library or taking a few minutes to watch a funny video online. Once you understand the purpose that a habit is serving, you're well on your way to changing it! By identifying the cues and rewards surrounding your habit, you will be more able to establish a new routine.


Side 2

Developing Better Study Habits

In order to gain a better understanding of how to form better study habits, we spoke to Alaina Ryan from the Binghamton University Discovery Center. She provided us with the following insights:

Plan Ahead: "At the start of each week, students can sit down and write a list of everything they need to get done that week: readings, homework assignments, making flashcards, studying, etc. The next step is to divide that list down into parts they can reasonably accomplish in one block of time. For some students that's 25 minutes, for other students it's 45 minutes. "

Establish a Routine: "Creating a routine that works for the student is very important. That's why it's important for students to be very realistic with themselves.  It's also  important for students to reward themselves after they complete tasks. This can be something like listening to their favorite music for 5 minutes, watching some funny Youtube videos, having a snack, or taking a quick walk."








Last Updated: 3/2/17