Roommate relations — managing conflict in the residence halls

The fall semester is in full swing and as students settle into their routines, sometimes they find one area particularly challenging to navigate — living with another person. For many Binghamton students, this is the first time they have lived with another person and whether their roommate is a friend from home, someone they met online before coming to Binghamton or a person whom they had never spoken to before arriving on campus — it can be overwhelming and stressful to live in a residence hall with another person.

As you hear from your student about their roommate or suitemate relationships — especially if it is a challenging experience — it can be tricky to navigate from home. Here are a few tips to support and coach your student through living with another person:

• Help normalize that conflict is part of living with another person.
• Remind them of the available resources: student support assistants, MSW interns and resident hall directors are all great resources who are located right in their building.
• Don’t avoid talking to someone when things start to bother you. Assume good intentions and that the other person doesn’t realize their behavior is impacting you. A simple comment like, “Hey, I like to go to bed earlier than you do because my schedule starts earlier — can we talk about ways we can navigate sleep schedules?” can help resolve minor conflicts before they escalate.
• Try again — just like with any other conflict it can take more than one discussion to figure out the right solution. Encourage your student to be open-minded and continue to talk about the issue. It can be especially helpful to point out the good: “Thanks for keeping your music off last night while I was sleeping that really helped me get better rest.” Pointing out the good can help encourage the behavior while priming the other person to be open to when things fall short.
• If your student is finding that the conflict is not improving, a final option is to go to their area office and request a room change.